The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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