that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
