I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
