Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
