If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
