finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
