If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
