We named our party play list daddy issues
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
