Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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