Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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