I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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