using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize