I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
