The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
