yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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