I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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