I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
