Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
