so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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