I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
