At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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