You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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