So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
