She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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