Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
