You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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