your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I would ride that face into the sunset
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize