the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
