she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
