Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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