Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
