that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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