Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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