What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he thought i was a dude.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
