Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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