I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
