Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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