Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
