That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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