Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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