Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
