I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
And then he peed in my hair
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