im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
