It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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