Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
