It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
