when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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