It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
