She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
