After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
