We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Randomize
