Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
