his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
