stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
