My Higher Power is John Stamos
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
it glows. i had to have it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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