Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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