What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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