Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize