Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize