Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
