TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
