this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize