I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
