just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
